13th Letter

Dear D

You're writing again, so I thought this blog needed an update.
All I wanted to say was basically Merry X-Mas, Happy New Year and... well, only half a year left and we'll see each other again!

Love,

/P.

12th Letter

Dear D

Happy Birthday!!!
Make a wish and I'll make it come true when we meet again...

I love you ♥

/P.

11nth Letter

Dear D

Three days to go to your birthday. What should I give you? It's really hard to guess. I might bake you a cake and send you a picture of me eating it all by myself, without sharing it... *evil laugh*
I'm going to a friend's birthday party tomorrow. I don't know what to get her either. Oh dear. It's always so hard to find proper presents for people. Especially now when it's nearly X-Mas...

Happy Birthday in advance, if I don't get to write on Sunday ♥

/P.

10nth Letter

Dear D

You ask me how I could think that you forgot about me. The answer is simple. You don't ever show me that you didn't. As long as you can't prove the opposite, I'll believe in what the circumstances tell me about your feelings. This may seem unforgiving or even doubtful, but let's face the truth: You don't really make much of an effort.

Don't forget you're mine, and mine alone.

/P.

9nth Letter

Dear D

Write. Please do.
It's like hell when you don't write. I need to know what's going on in your life, every single detail, no matter how boring it may seem to you - to me, it can mean the world.
This letter will be short. At least I think of you. And here I go again with my accusations.
At least give me a good reason for not writing. And I mean a good one.
How's your dog? Still alive and kicking? You said he had heart problems.
What about your little brother and sister? You're so sweet and caring when you're with them, I almost feel jealous at times.
I'm jealous now.. They get to see you every day. I'm jealous of your friends who can be with you often. I'm jealous of everyone close to you, because no matter how much I care for you, I'll never be one of them.
Do you think of me sometimes during you busy life, or is it just your conscience that commands you to write once in a blue moon to soothe me?
It's terrible living in uncertainty, you know.

/P.

8th Letter

Dear D

I admit that I was contemplating a relationship with someone else. It's like that with me; if I don't see you for long, I stop feeling the same way after some time. So I thought I could stifle my thoughts of you by hooking up with someone else. I didn't want to miss you anymore, because, seriously, it's not a great feeling. I tried flirting. I tried seducing. I tried backbiting. Nothing worked.
So here I am, back to just sitting around in my room and missing you. And no, I didn't hook up after all. Though something tells me it would have been a great release of tension. On the other hand I would have been eaten up by guilt by now.

Yours forever, though sometimes I wish I wasn't,

/P.

7th Letter

Dear D

I thought you were sorry. It's been six days now. Whatever. I guess you're busy.

I've decided to go to the winter ball, escort or no escort. I'm going to have fun, just you watch. If only you were here to watch, at least it would make you feel a bit bad. But no, you'll be spared. Oh well.
You know, I've been thinking. Maybe there's someone more important than me with you. Maybe I'm just a fling after all. If so, then please tell me. Don't make me feel this way. Don't bring my hopes up, don't say you're sorry for not writing. Just tell me the truth. If you're not sorry, then don't say you are.

I realized that I really love you. I might get angry at you often and say that I hate you in my thoughts and all that, but in truth, you're very important to me. So please don't let me down. I'll try not to let you down either.

/P.

6th Letter

Dear D

You sound like you're sorry. I kind of enjoy making you feel bad for neglecting me.
If I had known you would treat me this nicely and considerately if I told you how damn frustrating it can be to be your girlfriend, I would have done so long ago. Your mails aren't short and meaningless anymore, you actually tell me something and they're worth reading. I like them. They make me feel more confident about you.

...Actually I'm sorry for being mean. My anger was completely justifiable, you must admit, but seriously? I kind of feel bad about it sometimes, especially since I know you have problems too, not just me. I hope that problem with your family is cleared now; another misunderstanding just wouldn't be fair. Sometimes I really hate your parents, though they seemed like nice people when I met them. Okay that was years ago but still they made an okay impression.

My friend L was totally in love with your little sister the other day - I showed her a picture. She's so cute! I like to joke around that someday I'll adopt her. ;)

Oh, and you don't really have to promise me anything, you know? As long as you write often, don't say you will, just do it. That's the main point, my clumsy sweetheart.

/P.

5th Letter

Dear D

Why did you only write now?
Do you like confusing me so much?
I gave you up. I did. I didn't even dream of you last night. And here I am reading your message. You shouldn't have written.
The one thing I didn't want to hear from you was an apology. Especially an apology for not being able to come to me.

From now on, I will slowly distance myself from you. I won't check my mailbox five times a day to see if you've written. Nor will I think of you as much as possible anymore. Slowly, slowly, I'll make you fade away from my heart, and you will only remain as a memory.
I know it's an impossible thing for me to do, but nevertheless it would be better that way. But you must never know how much I sometimes loathe you for being who you are. And you must never know how much I hate myself afterward for thinking such things.

One day I'll tell you how much I love you, straight in the face, without hiding anymore.
Just wait and see.

/P.

4th Letter

Dear D

Please, please write back!!!
You have 2 1/2 hours left...
Please don't make me leave you...

I didn't tell you that you have until today, but I swore to myself to finish this... this relationship if you don't answer until today.
I just can't go on like this anymore. I miss you. I miss you so much it tears me up inside. And precisely because it hurts this badly I have to let go of you. Impossible, true, but worth a try all the same.
You'll forever be in my heart, you now that very well. I just don't want you to be my first priority anymore. Just as I never was yours, right?

If you do answer during the next 2 hours... well, it would be good. But you won't. I just feel it. It's this kind of numbness in my chest that tells me that it's all over.

Forever yours,

/P.

3rd Letter

Dear D

I saw a boy recently who looked just like you. The same short, blond hair, the same clothes, even his face reminded me of you. But his eyes were different. They looked too dead. Plus they weren't green. But for a moment, just for a short moment, I thought it was you. My heart skipped a beat, I swear, and I almost approached the guy, but luckily he turned around in time for me to see him properly. It wasn't you after all. I guess my ideas are getting to my head slowly. How would you ever come over here? You have school, work, training... There's no way you have time to come and visit me. As difficult as it is, I accept that.

I'm sorry for being a nuisance. I try not to worry about "us" too much, but, you see, it's not as easy as it sounds. You don't show you mean it, so how can I not worry? Please hurry and write soon. I miss you. I want you to miss me too.

/P.

2nd Letter

Dear D

Will it always be like yesterday? Will it always be me starting conversation to make you say something? Okay, I will wait for a week like you asked me to. I believe you.

Honestly speaking I miss the days when it wasn't so hard to trust you. I hadn't bound you to me back then. We were just two people who were good friends and knew that the feelings between us were stronger than just friendship, but didn't do anything for fear of our relationship failing. One could say we were right to be afraid. Look at us. Completely messy.

When I'll see you again, I guess I'll completely forget all the cool things I wanted to say to you instead of a greeting. Something along the line "So, am I getting a welcome-back-kiss?", for example. No, I'll forget everything around us and just lunge at you. I'll hug you tight and breathe in the smell of your aftershave (you really have to tell me what brand it is). I'll forget my father's sour face. I'll forget my friend, at whose place we'll meet as always. I'll forget my sister's protests. It'll just be you.

How can a person feel that way I wonder. Love is something I'll never understand. Nobody does, really.

Nevertheless, I can tell you with full confidence that it's true: I love you.

/P.

1st Letter

Dear D

It's been 13 days since you last wrote to me. You must be busy. You always tell me you're sorry but school and work and training keep you occupied most of the time, so you can't write often. I understand that. But are you really so busy that you can't even write a single sentence to me? It takes half a minute to write it and half a second to send it. Am I asking too much? Think about it.

In 8 months and 6 days we'll see each other again. Will I want to see you? I will still love you, for sure, but will I want to see you? Love can be a painful thing, so be careful how you handle it. Don't neglect it. Cherish it. Cherish the person who loves you back. Love them back. Love me back.

I hope you'll write soon. Or call. Just do something to let me know you're there and you care.

/P.